Writing my Life - Mimi Pambid

My baking son at 4

2012-01-13T20:02:00.034+01:00

Since he was two years old, we have noticed that my son loves to stay in the kitchen and help his papa out while he's cooking. As I have said a million times again that although I cannot cook, I can handle a little bit of baking simple recipes of cakes and cookies. The same thing that he does everytime I bake, he will always help with his little hands. Sometimes, he'll do it by himself. And just to encourage him, I'll let him do it. (If I think that he can.) And this thing has been going on for two years now. And every "kitchen time" that we have, he's always there. Be it early in the morning or late in the afternoon. Sometimes, I'll do it in the evening and yes, he will always be there, saying, "laisse-moi faire, s'il te plaît" (Meaning, "let me do it, please.") with his eyes always pleading and ready to learn. So this goes on and on until now.

Yesterday, I was to supposed to bake a whoopie pie in tranquility because he was supposed to have school. But apparently his school teacher is sick and parents were asked if they can take care of their own kids at home. Since I don't have work (I only work on week-ends because of our little one.) I said, of course, why not, he's my kid anyway. So my baking plans changed. Actually, it is now his baking plan not mine for as soon as he knew that I will be baking, he said that he'll do it. And of course, as I said, we encourage him to do it, so I agreed once again, like a lot of times before. But this time, I was astounded when he asked me to film him. He said, "fait un video, maman, comme le dernier fois avec papa." (Translation: Make a video, mom, like the last time (you did) with papa.)

Yes, my husband is a cook. And he does Japanese and French cuisine, the last time, his papa also asked me to film him while doing different types of sushi and maki. So I'm sure he got the idea from him. But actually, I was a little bit hesistant to film him because I will also be using my hands to help him with things that he can not do, but he said, he can take care of it. So I agreed again, I'm a bad mother. I can't say "no." (But not most of the time, don't worry.)

So to make the long story short, I was proud of what he did. I really can't imagine a 4 years old boy doing stuff like this. And when I showed the film (which I edited to make it short) to his papa, he was shocked in a good way and very proud of him.

Well, here's the video that made us proud. He was speaking in French, but it's was just the basic like, presenting who he is, what he will do, the ingredients needed and the process. So even your an english-speaking person, it will not be difficut to follow what's going on. Or even if you're another-language speaking person. Remember, action always speaks louder than words.

If this one doesn't work, try to view it here.

And here are some photos to share my son's passsion.

He always says that, "Comme tous les grand chef, il faut gouter d'abbord." (Like all (famous) chef, it is necessary to taste first."

This was taken last June 2009, he was 2 years old and two months at that time, he did this for her sister's birthday.

These photos were taken yesterday, he's already 4. Will be turning 5 on the month of April.

The thing that I love about what he did yesterday is when he said that all the "grand" chef needs to taste first the thing that they created, to know if it taste good or not. And secondly, you might notice that his little sister is beside him, cheering him on or bothering him (she's always beside him everytime that he bakes) but he doesn't really stress himself out because of that. I think he's either so focused on what he is doing or that he just love his sister so much that it's OK even if she disturb him.

"Not-so-funny" daughter

2012-01-04T14:14:00.000+01:00

My daughter is now 10 years old and will be turning eleven on month of June. She loves to read now and more interested about news around the world and asks questions like, "it is really the end of the world this december?" (2012). She can retain information both significant and insignificant. She's growing up and maturing but not just yet. She wanted an ipad2 for her birthday but my husband said that she's not old enough and not that responsible enough with her time schedules, so we told her to wait another year or so. So she asked if she can have it on her 12th birthday. We said yes, in one condition... if she can keep all her grades to all "A." She agreed and felt excited until a thought pop into her head. Here's the conversation:

Daughter: Oh no!
My husband and I: What?
Daughter: The end of the world is in December this year... So I won't be having my ipad2.

OMD! (O Mon Dieu!) Instead of worrying that it will be the end of the world, she worried about not getting an ipad. Oh girls!

Have a Happy, Prosperous, and Purpose-Driven New Year to all of you.

2012-01-01T00:00:00.000+01:00

A Rainy New Year from France. May all our blessings be as countless as these raindrops. May our lives be filled with prosperity, purpose and good health. And may our family be complete with happiness, trust and love. May each and everyone find passion in all that they do and in what they want to do.

May we end 2011 and begin 2012 with hope and positive attitude. May we not forget both trials and success of 2011 and transform all of these into more fruitful experiences for the next year 2012.

Let us thank the Lord for all that has been and for all that will be, we say, Amen!

Wishing everyone a prosperous and a purpose-driven New Year. God bless us all!

Little blessings

2011-12-15T23:45:00.000+01:00

I haven't updated this blog for a long, long time. Many things happened in the lives of my kids in the past couple of months, changes that we can't avoid like my youngest daughter's first birthday and my eldest daughter first period. But I'll likely tell you about it maybe later. Well, we're almost at the end of the year 2011, but before we say goodbye to this year, I just want to share the small blessings that me and my kids experienced this month of December.

Financially, I would consider this year a difficult one. Although, we we're able to have little vacations here and there, but in general, we haven't saved a lot... ok, I'll be honest with you, we haven't saved anything at all this year. So extra expenses are not really allowed, except for the money intended for our little vacation and long weekends which I clearly set aside since the start of this year. But other than that, we can't buy anything extra expensive or simply so-called extra expenses.

Just to give you an overview of the cost of living here in France and so you may also understand that we can’t have any, extra-luxury, as I call it. Let me just inform everybody that a minimum wage here in France is 1300€ minus the taxes, that would mean, 1100€ if you're lucky that they don't get any extra taxes from it. Unluckily for me, I am within that salary range. A house for a family as big as us would mean 1100€. Luckily, our place is a “rent-to-own,” so in 20 years it will be ours. No money wasted on that part. But it also means that the remains of my salary are only allotted for that and that alone. And so the other expenses would be paid by my husband's salary, (fortunately he earns more than I) which includes school, conservatoire de musique, electricity and gas for our house (yes, we use gas here too), car, gas for the car, clothing, food and miscellaneous things. And the rest which is not that much would be our savings for that month, if we are fortunate enough not to use it in emergency cases. Not forgetting the yearly tax revenue, landowner tax, habitation tax and audio-visual tax (which, the latter, doesn’t even exist in my country of origin, but here it does.)

So imagine how can we spend even a little for something extra? Hey, I’m not complaining here, just wanting to show you of our situation why we appreciate little surprises such as what I will tell you today.

My kids want to watch "Disney on Ice," which this year I couldn't grant because that will be a part of the extra expenses that I'm talking about. Even if I'm working at the same society, which is Disneyland Paris, it will be difficult for me get tickets for us 5 or even 4, for that would mean a total of almost 200€, if we really want to see it up close and personal. Yes, you can get tickets for less than 150€ for 4 persons but it would mean that you need to bring your telescope. There’s the premier category and the second category.

And so it happens that at work, there’s this contest for free 4 tickets for “Disney on Ice.” All you need to do is to log in on our intra-net and answer a question. The question is about who are the newest characters that will be joining this year’s holiday on ice. And since, I always read our “Backstage” magazine; of course I knew the answer. So I joined that contest.

And there’s another contest which the price would be “Duffy the bear,” which I also joined in.

But let me just tell you that for all 3 and a half years that I work at Disney, I always join small contest like that but unfortunately, I don’t win anything. A friend of mine always asked me why I join such lousy contest and tells me that it’s just a waste of time. Well, I always answer her, maybe I’ll get lucky.

After few days I checked the intra-net to see if I won in the “Duffy the bear” contest and as expected, I didn’t win except the “I told you so” from my friend.

But on a Monday afternoon, the 5^th of December, I received a call from my colleague at work telling me to call the “Internal Communication,” because apparently I won the tickets to “Disney on Ice.” Although it was in the middle of the premier category, but that’s Ok at least we won’t still be needing our telescope. Was so excited that I rang my husband immediately to tell him about the good news. My kids were the happiest as I told them the news after school.

It might be shallow for all of you whose reading this but this small surprise or blessing as I call it put a smile into my kid’s heart and I know that they will cherish the experience.

Here’s some photos and video just to share our moments with you. Sorry for the video excerpt because I'm not really allowed to put it on site, I'll loose my job if I put all of it.

By the way, during our “Arbre de Noël,” (A Christmas celebration for the employees of Disneyland Paris) my daughter also won the “Duffy the bear.” So basically, it’s just like winning in the two contests that I joined in. Told you, sometimes, it’s also nice to try things, maybe one day you’ll get lucky.

Worries

2011-09-14T01:00:00.003+02:00

Just like any mother, I worry too much for my kids. For their future, on their behavior and in even in the smallest things like if they have eaten well at school or if somebody bullied them. All sorts like that. It doesn't stop.

And yet again, this time, I worry for my youngest daughter. She's 10 months. Let me first describe how she is. She's bubbly. In the morning, when she wakes up, she'll sit up and wait for you to look at her and then she'll show you her smile. That's why she earned the nickname, "our sunshine" in the family. She's very pretty when she smile, so she gained another pet name, "Bella," Italian word for beautiful. She started standing up at 8 months and crawling before that. She loves to play, you just need to place her down on the floor and she’ll find something amusing for her to do, but what she prefers most is listening to music. She's a very reflective baby at her age. When classic music starts to play, she’s in a total silent mode. Like thinking. She’s very much aware of her surroundings. Love to observe and imitate her two other siblings. With her food, she’ll taste a little first before eating. The same with the people that she meets. She’ll test you first. Trying to make sure that you will not harm her.

So here’s the dilemma. Aside from me, there’s only one person who took care of her when I’m at work. It’s my brother. With my brother she’s the same. No changes. But since my brother cannot take care of her anymore, we need to find another, and we did. There's a lady who is an "assistant maternelle agree," since March 2010. I found her through a colleague of mine at work. She's also taking care of her niece. I told myself, it's worth a try because she's also a recommendation. So at least someone knows her and it’s very practical for me because she leaves one station from my work. So I can deposit my daughter first before going to work.

And she started yesterday. When I left my daughter there, she didn’t cry. But she was looking intently at the lady. One thing bothered me though, she lives on the first floor, but at 9 in the morning she was waiting for me and my daughter downstairs, she didn’t even let me in her house, place my daughter quietly before saying goodbye. I asked her if she could write in her little journal anything important that happened during her stay, but the baby sitter refused and told me that there’s no need to do that. She’ll just tell me what happened during the day.

At the end of the day, my husband was the one who took her from the babysitter. The lady told him that my daughter cried all the time, which I thought is very normal because it’s a big change for her. But she left that place with a big scratch on her face. And the baby sitter explained that she scratch herself while having a fit. A fit at 10 months? What can she do? Throw books all over? She never did have one before.

Second day was worst. She still waited for us downstairs. Not allowing me to leave and say goodbye properly to my daughter for the second time again. This time I told her that my baby didn’t eat much for breakfast. Immediately, she answered that she can’t do anything about it because it’s “forbidden in the contract for her to give supplemental feeding.” Is she concerned at all? I didn’t ask her to give extra feeding if she doesn’t want to or if it is forbidden in the contract. I would just like to ask her to feed my child a little bit earlier for I know that she’ll be hungry earlier as expected.

And again, at the end of the day, she told my husband that my daughter cried all day long, refusing to be left on the floor, refusing her pacifier, refusing to eat and hit a girl a year older than her that left a mark on other girl’s arm. A 10 month that hits and leave a mark, is that possible? Is my baby that strong that she can leave a mark to a two year old girl? Do I really know my child or am I missing something here?

I don't know what to do. I need help. Either I resign from work and be a house wife again to raise my daughter again just like before, or find someone else which is hard to do because other "assistant maternelle agrée" wants someone to look after 5 days a week. While my daughter only goes there 2 days a week.

My daughter right now is very anxious. She's scared to be left alone, even on her own bed. She changed and she's scared. For two days, I can't see our "Sunshine." Imagine, I left her there just for 2 days, how much more if I leave her there for a week.

Dear God if you can hear me, please send someone whom I can trust. Whom I can leave my daughter without worries. And whom my daughter will also love and loves my daughter back. Please dear God, I lift to you all my worries. Kindly hear them, I pray. Amen.

Vance's Story

2011-09-08T21:14:00.006+02:00

These are anecdotes about my son. Amusing stories that when I think about it, I can't help but laugh even when I'm alone. Words that just come out of his mouth like jack in a box. It surprises me everytime. I hope you can appreciate it as much as I do.

We were swimming at one of the beach in Languedoc-Roussillon. I was with my 10 month old daughter and my 4 years old son while my 10 years old daughter is having a good time meeting new friends. But since she’s very polite, she came closer to us bringing her new found friend and introduces her to me. So here’s the conversation that follows:

My 10 years old daughter: Mom, this is Laura.

Me: Hi, Laura. How are you?

Laura: I’m fine. Thank you.

Me: Where are you from?

Laura: I’m from here.

My 4 years old son: What? From here?

Are you a mermaid?

While having dinner my eldest daughter excused herself to go to the washroom. And when she came back she looked bothered. So I asked her what happened.

My daughter: Mom, after dinner can I talk to you.
Me: Why? Is there something wrong? You can say it now.
My daughter: Well, you see, I saw some hair starting to grow in different part of my body
My husband and I: It's normal.
My son: Eh oui, c'est normal parce que t'es un monsieur! (Translation: Well yes, it normal because you're a man!)

My son was examining his face in front of a mirror. After some time, he came and asked me a question.

My son: Mom, is this a moustache? (Talking about the almost invisible hair of his upper lip)
Me: Hmmm, I think so.
My son: Yippee! Je suis un père! (Translation: Yippee! I am a father!)

Today, my son was invited to attend a birthday party. It's the birthday of the girl who had a crush on him since they were in the "petite section."

Her name is Farah. I told you a story about her, i think, less than a year ago. Her mother insisted that it would be pleasure if my son can come to her birthday because as she says, Farah thinks that my son is his "boyfriend." But I don't think that it's the same way for my son.

But anyway, last tuesday, I asked my son if he wanted to go to her birthday party. He told me "yes," because his friends Louie and Jeremy are there and not to mention, his best friend Alexi. They are a gang of Asia-tiques. Inseperable. So this afternoon, he went there. As expected most of his time was spent with his gang. But since its' Farah's birthday, Farah as frank as she is asked for a kiss from my son.

My son said, "Mon bisou est que reserver pour ma maman!" Translation: My kiss is only reserved for my mom!

Sweet on my side, but how about the other side?

And here's another thing that he's complaining about. "Je deteste quand ils m'appellent beau-fils. Je suis beau mais je suis pas leur fils." Translation: "I hate it when they call me beau-fils (son-in-law), I am beau (handsome) but I am not their fils (son).

My kids on my 36th birthday

2011-07-23T20:59:00.001+02:00

This blog (http://onlifeandlivingit.blogspot.com) speaks about my kids, their experiences and the process that they go through their daily lives and my other blog: http://thebutterflies.blogdrive.com, speaks about me and my experiences. But since this topic is related to my birthday, I was having doubts if I'll write this here or on my other blog.
Anyway, I choose to write it here, promising myself that they'll be the focus of all the things I write in here.

Last Wednesday, the 20th of July, I celebrated my 36th birthday. But since my husband is working, I decided not to celebrate it this year together with friends and loved ones. For the primary reason that I cannot cook. If I'll be inviting friends over or even relatives, I would be buying foods that can be cooked in the microwave and heated 20 or 30 minutes and they'll be done. But I know that they won't like it. So, I told myself that, I'll celebrate it quietly with my kids.

And since it's my day off, I planned to sleep a little bit more in the morning for I really don't have a plan on my head. Yet at midnight, my husband woke me up to greet me a "happy birthday" and showed me a video of our kids with him, singing "happy birthday," in their own notes, versions and accent. I was really touched. I kept repeating the video over and over before going back to sleep again. HERE is that video. And another video of one of my favorite, "the birthday song by Don Mclean," although he didn't actually sung it himself. He just got one of the videos from youtube and posted it in my facebook. If you're curious about that song, well, here it is.

In the morning, after my husband went to work, he just kissed me goodbye and let me dozed of again. But unfortunately for me, our 8 months old daughter is already awake but my eldest daughter volunteered to take care of her. She’s only 10, but she wants to prove to me that she’s responsible enough. So I let her.

My son, a 4 years old and certified early riser, who usually wakes me up in the morning (even if it’s too early for me) didn’t even barge in and woke me up like he usually does.

But at around 9 am, he came running, gave me a kiss and told me that it is time for me to wake up. I thought that my eldest got tired of taking care of our little angel. So I stood up immediately and went to the saloon. And here I got the biggest surprise of my life and on my birthday itself. My kids prepared breakfast for me. My daughter cooked fried egg and put lots of pepper to make it into a happy-face-sunny-side-up-egg. And it was she who organized the table, place on their gifts on the side of the plate and my son prepared the juice. Nothing much maybe, simply fried egg and juice for someone else’s eyes but for me it’s a work of magic. Like haute gourmet from a first class restaurant. All of their effort made my quiet celebration into the most memorable one. I couldn’t ask for anything more.

(Fried egg that looks like smiling together with greetings and gifts beside it)

(Behind the greetings are the words "reserved for Mama," although the spelling is wrong, it doesn't matter)

(Here's what's inside those gift wrappers. A paper bag and a face made out clay, all made by their hands)

(Letters made by my daughter and my son, I can't upload upright so I let it be that way until I find a solution)

(Dancing the waltz together that made me say, "wow! I'm the luckiest Mom in the world!)

The monster in me

2011-05-31T06:40:00.000+02:00

I don't know what changed in me. As a mother I mean. Maybe it's because of having three kids. Or the pressure of having them while working. I know that I love my kids equally, but I felt guilty for my eldest daughter because I know that this time, the love I gave her is not clearly shown in my ways.

I put her through difficult times because I can't handle my stress? Is that it? No, it's more than that. I felt that in my heart something changed, the way I look at her and the way I communicate with her. Don't get me wrong. I love her. I love her deeply for she is after all my first. Maybe because she's stepping into adolescent phase, so that's why I as a mother am also stepping into this "severe mother phase."

I hate it when I am so angry at her, and I am scolding her and that she's giving me her "out-of-space-I-can't-hear-you" look. I am so fuming that I scolds her even more because of that. And I hate that feeling. The feeling of anger and the feeling that I belittle her even in her slightest mistakes. I am becoming a monster.

This post is just an outburst of emotion, helping me clear my mind. And letting me look back and answer the question, what happen between us. What made us apart.

When she was young, we always do things together. I remember that we don't mind singing songs as many times as we want it. Remembering her sleeping beside me most of the time, remembering that she loves sitting on my lap. Remembering that movies can make us cry. Remembering that she can make me cry.Remembering that she's the most beautiful girl in my eyes. Remembering that she didn't and can't make mistakes in my eyes. Remembering those quiet talks and walks and laughters. Remembering those silent times together. Remembering those things made me wonder what happened in between then and now?

She was my world as I was hers. Then came her brother and now her sister. But then in between there's those sad changes. I became someone else. I look at her as if I never knew her, and told her that she changed but I just realize, just right at this moment that she didn't, it was me who changed.

She's still this little girl who calls me, "Maman" and who desperately need attention. She's still that little girl who needs care and who needs someone who'll listen to her stories regarding school, friends and what happened to her day. But because of my work, because of my other kids and other things on my mind, I set her aside putting her on a corner not knowing that she still needs me. She became invisible in my eyes because of other things that are in front of me. Ignoring her most of the time and ignoring the fact that I now impose responsibilities upon her shoulder but yet she's still young, still needs a mother and looks at herself as my baby. I, on the otherhand, created an image of her that she should be this and that. And that by this time she should do this and that.

I am becoming the people in my life that I hated most. And I hate this feeling. I am becoming my own monsters.

At least now, I realize the problem. I need to come up with a solution. I believe there's nothing late in life. We can only say that all are "too late," when we give up hope of changing something in our lives.

First time

2011-05-16T05:39:00.001+02:00

We love long walks, sight seeing, to take pictures, to travel and most of all joy ride on a week end where we can't seem to figure out where or what to do. So this time, we went to a small town in Giverny, France. A hour and a half hour ride to where a famous painter Oscar-Claude Monet, famously known as Claude Monet lived since April 1883 (if I'm not mistaken).

And there, aside from satisfying our eyes and hearts will all the beauty that we see, my kids also tasted their first shot at photography.

So here are some works of my 4 years old son. Never edited except that I put a logo on each picture to potect them as their copy right.

And here are the works of my soon to be 10 years old daughter. Also not edited except for her own chosen colorful logo.

So proud of them. So enjoy viewing all these but please you can look all you want but please don't copy what you want, for they are my children's work. It's like stealing candies from kids you know. Happy viewing.

Another poésie

2011-04-18T09:57:00.000+02:00

This morning, I saw my daughter writing this in a piece of paper. I asked her where she got it from and she told me that some parts were originally hers and the other parts were inspired by the cartoons "the smurfs." So I can't really claim that this is all hers but I love it just the same.

Lune, lune pour chaqu'un, pour chaqu'une
Eveil nos coeur à la soirée de la plaine lune

Venniciah Gy Julia S. Pambid, le 18 avril 2011

What do want to be when you grow up

2011-04-13T21:48:00.000+02:00

When we we're young, we're always asked this same old question, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

As kids, we were influenced by the people around us to choose a right answer to that question as if it will predict our outcome in life. So kids tend to choose the idea of what people around them want them to be and not really what they want to be.

During my time, the answers are often, “I want to be a doctor, a nurse or an engineer.” For those are the times that Philippine economy are dependent on citizens going abroad, sending these type of professionals to help out elevate the value of Philippine currency and alleviate even a little bit of poverty.

But what was the impact of this question to the kids themselves?

As experienced told me, kids were forced to lived up to that idea of what their parents want them to be or their grandparents or their siblings or anybody who are significantly present in their life. And as they grew up, it is too late for them to realize that, that dream is not really theirs but someone else's.

It is really sad to see this happening again and again. When will individuals especially parents realize that their kids are not the extension of themselves? When will they realize that kids too, have a life of their own? An opinion of their own. And a dream of their own.

I admire people who went to the same situation as this yet they were able to fulfill what they really want in the end. I admire people who stood and fight for their dreams. And I admire them who choose to follow their own path instead of listening to the sound of dictations in their life.

As these are based on my own experiences, I promised myself not to put my kids through the same circumstances. I will never insist nor influence them in following what I want for them. Nor will I answer for them the question "what they want to be when they grow up?" I’ll just go with the flow, I'll let them discover that on their own. I'll just be beside them if they needed me. And when that time comes, I will just accept and love them still for what they have become for their happiness is my own.

Even superhero falls

2011-03-29T22:59:00.004+02:00

Yesterday morning before going to school and while waiting for his sister to finish brushing her teeth, my 3 years old son decided to play superhero.

He found a checkered red and white table clothe and asked me to place it behind his back so as to serve as his cape. He thinks that all superhero will not be a superhero without one. As soon as we're about to leave my son sensed that I will have to take his "cape" off, he begged if he could just wear it until we reach school and then he'll give back to me. I agreed.

As I've said and written many times before, my son at his age is very independent and very organized. He eats by himself, brushes his teeth, keep his own room, arranged his jacket and shoes and dress up by himself. And that makes my life as a mom a little bit easier. (Although sometimes, I want to be of help to him just to assure myself that I am still his mother.) But he just loves doing things by "himself." And in this case, since we live on the second floor and our building is only four story building with no-need-of-an-elevator, he wants to go down the stairs by himself of course. For the nth time, I took time to tell him to hold on to the side rails while going down for I am holding my 4 moths old daughter.

Unluckily, he tripped and fell. Good thing nothing serious happened to him. I took him, checked him out and asked if he is O.K. As usual, my independent son said he's fine.

I asked him what happened and he just replied, "J'ai descendu un petit peu vite." (I walked or went down a little bit fast." And that he forgot to hold on to the side rails.

I know my son just like any mom knew their own. I know that more than the physical pain, the emotional pain are there but he wouldn't admit it just like any little accidents that he had. Maybe because he's a boy, maybe because he don't want to worry me too much or maybe because he's just that way. But I am also this way; I worry too much for all of my kids.

I hugged and kissed him as what I usually do to make the pain go away. Good thing all kids know that mother's kisses have something magical in them. And one mommy's kiss will make it all better. But what pained me in this situation is after I kissed and hugged him and asked him for the last time if he feels any pain, is that he took of his "checkered red and white cape" and told me, "Mom, I'm not a superhero anymore."

My heart begins to tear apart. How can you explain to a 3 year old boy that even superheroes fall sometimes? Even mightiest of all men experienced defeat. Even angels break their wings and fall. But what made them different is how they stood up after their fall, mend themselves and continue their journey.

How can you explain to him that falling is not a sign of weakness? And that falling is not shameful. And that even with these painful experiences we can gain much. For these things happen for a reason. And that reason is to help us be stronger to face what lies ahead of us. And allowing ourselves to be defeated means only one thing, we allow ourselves to be empowered by the learning we obtain from our fall or defeat or mistakes or whatever you call them.

But how can I explain all these to my son? I can't. Not yet. I hope when he grows up, he'll read this. I hope that he'll learn one or two from this article. For I know one day he'll be a great man and I know one day he'll experience fall and defeat. But I know one day he'll also learn "to cry a little bit, stop, stand up, brush himself off and continue." But for now, all I can do is assure him, hug and kiss him again and say, " You'll always be a superhero to me even how many times you fall."

http://www.yuoutube.com/watch?v=9u4IGVmc3og

Here she is

2011-01-21T09:35:00.004+01:00

Since last year, I haven't updated this site for only one reason... lack of time. Nope, it's either lack of time or mishandling of time management. Well, let me wish you first a "belated happy new year!" As they say, better late than... later ; ).

Many things have changed and happened to me and my family. My parents left for United States of America to fullfil their "american dream." So we're left here in Paris. My husband had an accident and was on sick leave for three months. We went to Antibes for our summer vacation.It's the first time that we went to vacation together with some friends. Normally we just go as a family. Some changes huh! My two kids have grown up and now there's a little addition to the two. And so the two are now three.

She was born on a halloween day last year. Her name is Vanille Ly Julianna Pambid. She weighs 2 kilos and 140 grams. So small that she's only 43 cm. It's also the first time for my husband to go inside the labor room and assist in my delivery. And that brought big changes into his perception of child birth. Also for the first time, I had a normal and natural birth. No anesthesia this time. Oh, can't imagine the pain but all are worth it. So together with my two kids, we happily presents her to the entire world. Here she is...

My daughter's first poésie

2008-10-17T18:34:00.002+02:00

I didn't know that she has it in her. I mean to write and express all her thoughts at her age of seven. But yesterday, she surprised me by saying that she wrote a "poésie" for her teacher. I should be sad or jealous because it was not for me, but I didn't felt that. I'm not a bit sad or jealous at all because the thought of her writing her own poésie surprises me. I have read it, yes, you might not be impress or you might even say that it is not perfect 'cause there are some faults or it is too simple. But I can only say one thing about her work "I proud of what she've done, I am proud that she is my daughter and that I am her mother." so here it is...

Tous les jours de la semaine

Le lundi c'est tout calme
Le mardi c'est le soleil
Le mercredi c'est le cinéma
Le jeudi au sport avec mes camarades
Le vendredi écrire mes devoirs
Et le samedi c'est mon anniversaire
Le dimanche je ne sait pas
L'autre jour c'est le future

By: Venniciah Gy Julia Pambid
16 Ocotbre 2008 (Jeudi)

My not-so-funny daughter

2008-05-27T11:47:00.000+02:00

Well, my cousin came to stay with us for few days during spring vacation. Well, he’s 12 years old and my daughter is 6 (will be 7 soon) so they get along very well. Plus the fact that my cousin speaks French all the time (English from time to time but well, he’s French) and my daughter is also speaking the language, so they mostly spend the time together. And because he is staying with us for few days, I have the responsibility to plan activities for all. Well, one of these activities is have a walk in the woods. (Hey, he’s frenchie so he loves it… de se promener) So while we took a rest from walking, the two of them were talking and these were their conversation:
My cousin: Regarde, il y a un grand moustique au-dessus de ta tête.
My daughter: Où ca?
My cousin : Il est déjà parti. Tu sais qu’est qu’ils font ?
My daughter: Ben, je sais pas. DE MIEL?
My cousin: HAHAHA! Tu croyais que les moustiques font miel? Qui font le miel ?
My daughter : Bah, bien sure c’est pas les moustiques… c’est les mouches !!!

Well, here’s the translation :

My cousin: Look, there’s a big mosquito above your head.
My daughter : Where?
My cousin: It already left. You know what they do?
My daughter: Ben, I don’t know. HONEY?
My cousin: HAHAHA! You think that mosquitoes make honey? Who makes honey?
My daughter: Bah, of course it’s not the mosquitoes… it’s the flies!!!

He's a unique individual

2007-11-09T10:16:00.000+01:00

When I had my second child, a son, I felt more complete than before. I was praying for this or we were all praying for this to happen... to have another child. And on the 11th of April 2007 it was fulfilled. The first two months was a bliss. Everything was smooth sailing. But then it changed. At that time, I was all alone. My husband need to work far from home and he comes home not everyday but from time to time. Like twice a month for just 3-4 days. And that's it. It's a big change for me. Having a son and being all alone. Adding to the fact that I was really stress when my son cries 'cause I can not understand what he wants. Don't think that I don't love him because of that. I love him and will always will.

I always thought that this day will never happen to me because he is my second son. And hey, I'm both a nurse and pre-school teacher. I know how to handle kids and babies. I raised my daughter (not all by myself though) but now she's 6 years old. And I think I did well. So why will it happen to me? And I often assure myself that I can also handle him like the way I handled my daughter. It won't stress me or depress me.

But I forgot that he is different from my daughter. He's a different person not just a shadow of my daughter. Apart from my daughter. With a different life. With different character. He's a unique being of his own.

He's very calm and quiet most of the times. But when he cries, he screams. It's not just crying. He screams at the top of his lungs. I don't know how to handle him, for him to calm down or just stop him from crying. Most of the time when he does that, I'm so helpless and I don't know what to do. Scared about how I feel, I talked to my husband on the phone and no matter what he said. No matter how he assures me, it wasn't really a big help for he's far away. I want someone to be there physically beside me. Who will be there to assure me that everything will be fine and all is normal with my son. I want a shoulder to cry on. And not just on the phone. Luckily, my daughter provided all of that. And she also thought me that I shouldn't expect that the way I handled her will be the same thing with my son. That how I raised her will be the same as raising my son now. And that I need a different approach.

Of course, she didn't say it verbally. But she just showed me how. I noticed that when she comes home from school, my son will be waiting for her. And he'll be very very happy. You can actually see it on his eyes and how he smile. He's expecting her all the time. Hey, I'm sure that he's happy with me too but not as happy when he's with his sister. So I said to myself, "stand back and observe how she does it." And there it was, right in front of my big dark eyes.

She talks with him and she listen.

She will always say, "do want me to sing a song for you." And she'll wait for him to smile or show a single hint of his reply. And then she'll say again, "I'll sing the little piggy song, ok." And she'll wait again. As if there is an invisible words that comes from my son that only her can hear. And then she'll sing and tickles him and they will both laugh. And I was more amazed when she can handle his crying, she'll ask him, "why are you crying?" and adding, "yes, I know you're tired. I'll tell mama." And so at that moment, I ask her, "what does he want?" She told me, "he's tired." And I said, "how did you know?" "Well, mama, he's arching his back." And then I had her secret. And I remember that it was my secret too. Why I am good in handling babies and kids alike. But I have forgotten.

She knows him more because she listen not only to his cooing but also to his movement. I have long forgotten it. That baby's language also includes how their body respond and moves. I was messed up by the way I feel. Alone. And I want someone to listen to me but I forgot to listen to my child's needs. I want someone to depend on to, yet my son also wants to depend on me. How could I missed it? How?

And at that moment, I talked and listen to him. And it really change how I see him and how he sees me. And I read books that will help me understand him more. Although I don't want to label my child, but in one book that I read I understand why he is what he is. He's has the character of a touchy and spirited child. (And my daughter has the character of an angel child so they're not really the same) And it has some suggestions on how to handle children like that. And so I follow them but not all of them though. The most important thing is that I understand his uniqueness now more than ever. Although I still can't understand some of his ways, I know that I am handling him better that before? How did I know? Well, aside from not crying that often and he's very happy with me the same happiness that he is showing when he is with his sister. And we can talk and listen to each other now.

And now, ask me, if it frustrates me if my son is crying so loud? No! I understands what he wants now. Thanks to my daughter.

happiness

2006-12-30T19:48:00.000+01:00

At first, when I asked her what she wants to have -- a brother or a sister -- she kept insisting a brother. And then after some weeks of thinking made her change her mind. Telling me one day, that she would be happy to have a baby sister. So that one day when she'll be able to walk and talk, they'll be able to share same toys, play same games and she can also brush, comb or tie her hair. And adding that they can cook together because they are both girls. I just told her, we'll see.

And then the day came when for my second ultra sound last 26 December. The day I found out that I'll be having a boy. The first thought that came into my mind aside from other hesitations that I got, is what will be her reaction. Would she be happy? Or sad?

I can't bear it when the news will make her sad. Specially during these times when her father is not around with us for he's working in 4 hours by TGV train and couldn't go home every day. I need someone to share my happiness even if I am still in the state of mixed emotion. And I expect that it would be her. I know that I expect too much from a 5 years old. But she's the only one I got at this time. Yes, yes, I have my mother with me but it is not the same.

I want her to feel the happiness that I'm feeling even if I still have some hesitations like will I be able to handle a boy or will my baby boy be more difficult or whatever. But I need to be assured at this time, emotionally and physically. And she's the only one around to comfort me because my husband can't. Although I knew that he shares my happiness too.

As I expected as soon as I'm finished with my ultrasound, my mom called my dad who was taking care of my daughter at that time. And he told my daughter instantly. But he never told me what her reactions were. Which made my situations very difficult as I was coming home. And then as I put the key into the key hole and opened the door. Yes, it was a surprise for me for I saw the most refreshing smile that was in front of me. And she said, "it's a boy! I knew it!" And she was dancing and turning while saying, "I have a brother! I have a brother!" And it relieves me of all my hesitations. And I now knew, that even though she explained to me that she wanted to have a sister, she will be satisfied with whatever. She's a kid and she's my kid! And I'm proud of her. She's the happiness that I had, have and will always have.

Positive

2006-10-04T21:57:00.000+02:00

Last thursday, the 28th day of September 2006, as soon as I finished reading a story to my daughter she said her prayers. And after her prayer she started saying goodnight to everybody. She said, "Good night baby Jesus." "Good night mama Mary." "Good night papa Joseph." "Good night God the Father." "Good night angels." And then she sort of hug me in my waist and said, "Good night baby. Pleasant dreams."

I knew at once that I am pregnant with my second angel.

After years of waiting. After years of spending money just to buy a pregnancy test kit to verify if there's a possibility after missing my periods for a month or two. After those disappointed faces of my husband and daughter. After my silent weeping every time it turns out negative. After all these... I am happy to say that I am at last... POSITIVE.

I didn't realize

2006-09-03T07:47:00.000+02:00

As you all know my daughter is an only child. As she was growing up my parents and some of our friends would always say that I needed to have another child for her sake. And that everybody think that she's alone and that she needs someone to play with. And I will always tell them, what's the difference? She a happy child. In fact being an only child makes her more sociable and she can easily adjust to her environment or to other people including children. She's not selfish as oppossed to the saying that "an only child is a selfish child." And she's not different from other kids who have brothers or sisters. But of course again, I will tell them that "we're trying to have another but just simply can't," just to end the conversation. But it is actually true that we are really trying and hoping for about 3 years now.

Last week, before the end of our vacation, my daughter was playing with two brothers. One is younger than her by 4 months and the other was by 1 year. Well, they were doing well when the youngest kid, wanted to be the shop lady. And my daughter tried to explain that she's a girl so she'll be the shop lady. But the younger one insisted on himself being the shop lady. And so it broke down into a little quarrel, with little screaming, with lot of tears and being upset.

So as she was crying, I told her that I can play with her if she wants to. And she'll be the shop lady and I will be the shopper. But what I heard from her froze my heart. She was sobbing at this time. But it was clear to me what she said. She said, "Mama, no it's not like that! I want someone to play with. I am all alone in our house. I don't have a brother or a sister. I don't have anyone to play with. You're different you're the mama!"

As she was calming herself up. I was tongue-tied. I know that I can't tell her anything that will assure her that she's not alone. Tears just fall from my eyes and I can't prevent them from falling. They just kept on going. And I did it in front of the two other kids and in front of my daughter.

I didn't realize that my daughter though she's protected and loved by all of us still feels alone. That although I am always there for her she still needs someone else to share her world with. And it stab me really hard. And if I could turn back the three years wherein I can give her a brother or a sister, I would do so with much eagerness. If only I realize all of these that early.

True colors

2006-02-23T21:43:00.000+01:00

When we go to a party even if it’s mostly adult, we always bring our daughter with us. Not because we don’t want to leave her home with someone but because some family friends (mostly of my mom) would like to see her. So if that is the case, we always let her have a long nap in the afternoon, about 3-4 hours so that she’ll have the energy to stay up late. And of course, like any parents, I would expect that she’ll be well mannered and no tantrums or caprices. For if any of these case happens, I will surely be angry.

We went to a party exactly a year ago with my daughter and at that time she wasn’t herself maybe because she didn’t have a full nap in the afternoon. So when we went to the birthday celebration, she was in fact very courteous. She greeted people she knew and say the usual greetings like “good evening.” Give them a “bisous” or kiss accompanying her greetings. And when somebody asks her how she is, she politely reply, “I’m fine, thank you” and return the gestures too. But as I’ve said she is not her usual self. She’s not talkative, she don’t run to and fro nor tell jokes or play with other adults there.

And there is one old lady who is sitting beside her and who, in my opinion is really trying to push her to her limit. She’s trying to joke with her, even though my daughter politely says that she doesn’t want to. But some, I said some, old lady are like that. My daughter is never impolite to anyone older or younger. So I just let my daughter handle the situation until she looked at me to find comfort and frowning. I asked her, of course, why. And she told me the story that “cette femme m’embête.” This means that “this woman is teasing me or (disturbing me).” And I asked if she asked the woman not to tease her. And she said yes.

While we are having these conversations, of course, the lady was listening. And I said these words to my daughter, “Honey, if you’re not up to it, like if you don’t want to talk or to be nice or if you don’t want to play or tell jokes then don’t. It’s not your obligation to please people. Ok.” And she said, “thank you, mama.” Maybe because she taught that I will get angry at her for not being polite enough to that particular lady.

Of course, what I’ve said put a scrutinizing eye on that lady. And as I expected, she asked me why did I advice my kid such a thing. And I politely told her that, “You know Ma’m all kids has moods and they should also be respected like we want to be respected when we’re not in the mood. And I don’t want to teach my daughter to please people even if she doesn’t want too. I’m just teaching my daughter to be herself and not to be pretentious.”

I’m sure that you have an idea to what happened next. She got up to find another person to talked to. Fine with me. At least, she left us in peace.

how she makes us proud

2006-02-15T02:57:00.001+01:00

Whenever my daughter draws something or someone, in those little ways she makes us proud. She's a different person. Bits and pieces from us but never us. And we like her to develop her own identity. And not just be an extension of ourselves. That's why we encourage her as early as we can remember to explore what she likes and she did like drawings and paintings which both my husband and I can never do. Yes, I can draw but never like her. And here are some samples that I would like to share to you. Happy viewing.

writing again

2006-02-15T02:49:00.000+01:00

I can not tell you that my child is perfect because she is not your child. Every son or daughter is perfect in the eyes of their parents. But all I can tell you is that my daughte is a perfect gift from God and that she is the reason why I live in an almost perfect world. If there is one thing in my life that I don't regret, it is having her unexpectedly. She may be unexpected but never unwanted.

what a night

2005-08-21T02:21:00.000+02:00

It's 02:21h (am), just like every night, my daughter always cry in her sleep not because of a bad dream or anything but because of her skin asthma. It irritates her. And it's itchy that she won't stop scratching until it bleeds.

I usually find my self irritated too 'cause my husband and I never did have a good night sleep in the fast few months or I guess almost a year perhaps because of this reason. This is not an exageration. All I want to experience at this moment is a long, good, and restful night with no crying.

But you see we can make our life easier. But I guess, it is our choice not to.

A year and a half before, we discovered a good medicine that we can use for her skin asthma. Her dermatologist prescribed it, but with caution that it can only be used in a little amount once a day, applying it to her lesion. We already tried it. And just after a day, the result was so incredible. We couldn't hardly believe ourselves that we let ourselves went through some restless night, (just like this night and the night before that), and not knowing that there's an ointment such as this. And it really worked. After a week, the skin asthma was gone. Her skin start to heal. And we are at peace once again.

We are so happy that at last we found a medicine that will ease her pain and give us a calming night for the three of us. Until her pediatrician restrain us from using it because of the steriod content.

So now we're back to scratching, tapping, creme for rashes, salt water etc... and some relieves her pain for a moment but of course, it will not last like that medicine that we thought was an answer to our prayer.

But it's fine with us. It's much better to know that we haven't got a good night sleep because of my daughter's crying than to think we are very tranquil yet knowing we are introducing a medicine with steriod content to our daughter.

One friend of ours (her son also had the same problem but she stick with that same kind of medicine) asked, "are you not ashamed when people asked you why is your daughter's skin like that." My husband told her, "I rather be ashamed knowing that steriod helps my daughter's skin to be beautiful than to see her like that."

"Good come back answer, honey!"

Day 1 of her diary

2005-08-20T15:24:00.000+02:00

Today, after waking up so late 'cause she slept late last night at 00:10h (cause she watch Indiana Jones 1-3 with me), my daughter started her day with a breakfast that she didn't finished.

Notice that as she grew older her apetite seems to be starting to be like having French-eating-pattern. She eats less and less rice and more of the veggies which is good. But the quantity is so less that I'm starting to worry if it is the one causing her height deficiency. But looking at her friends from school and the way they eat, I guess it is a French style of living.

Today, she learns how to snap her finger. Yesterday, she saw me snapping my fingers to a music from the film "Anastasia." And she wanted me to teach her. And I did. And after few try, she gave up but this afternoon at 15:28h, she was able to do it by herself. And she was almost ecstatic about it. Oh, little kids! She found it really amusing and that she was so proud of herself that she learn how to do it.

Anyway, this afternoon will be going to Les Halles just to develop pictures from our recent trip and my cousin's as well. Will keep you update about her progress in other areas when I find the time.

it's about a little girl

2005-08-20T12:53:00.001+02:00

So just as significant as she was born, my daughter's days growing up is as significant as it is. She was able to do a lot of things children of older age can do. But her height makes little progress. At 6 months, she can humm to a music but still she looks like 3 months old.

At an early age, she showed signs that she'll be a left handed and that was something I'm preparing myself for 'cause I am a right hand dominant person. Although my husband is left handed, though I really can't rely on him to teach her how to write 'cause he himself can't read what he wrote before because of bad penmanship. It is something we always laugh about. :) So now I'm starting to experience how it is to use my left hand.

She was able to memorize her favorite book, "are you my mother," at an early age of 2 and a half years old. I was able to record it first on my mobile, on the 4th of January 2004. It always brings happy memories for both me and her.

Well, these are just brief background of who she is and I hope I can fill it in with her new progress now that she's 4 years, 2 months and 7 days old.

something to write

2005-08-19T18:59:00.000+02:00

It's been a lifetime since I last posted something to write here. Reason? Well, I found another blog hosting site. But now after 11 months of not writing, I finally find something to tell here.

I will now use this as my daughter's diary. You see, since birth I kept a diary for her. I write down her progress in her developmental skills. And significant experieces that I want her to remember when she grows up. But in year 2004, I just simply stop writing in that diary. I think I lost the zest to write about anything. Be it about my life or other's life that surrounds me.

Anyway, so today, I'll start once again. My eldest daughter (since I only have one at the moment) is 4 years old and 2 months and 6 days to be exact. She was born in the month of June. She was born pre-maturely (about 7 months and 2 days) with thick dark hair and she was so small she can fit into a small size shoe box.

I had 4 days of labor to be exact, at first my mom wouldn't believe me that I'll be having her since, she said it was too early. But there she is, kicking inside my tummy wanting to get out. I never thought that I will have her as early as 7 months. It is a very significant date for all of us 'cause you see, my mother-in-law was also in the hospital at that time. And then after hours and hours of labor, I gave birth to my daughter but we didn't knew then that two minutes before my daughter saw the world, her grandmother already passed away.

Want to be and Can be

2004-09-21T12:56:00.002+02:00

We all laugh at friends who can imitate the mannerism of people we know. And of course, we can also laugh at ourselves when we can imitate people whom we want to be. Models, singers, actors, actress, famous T.V. personalities.

But the question is why do we do such things? I understand it, if it is used for charades and the games alike. But when the reason goes with a deeper meaning... it is another story.

You see adolescent stage is the stage wherein we try not to be who we really are. Try different things to be "in" with the crowd, to be noticed by the girl/boy-next-door, so we can be the center of it all and so on and so forth. It is the time when we search for ourselves. I think it's a healthy process of self-discovery. That is why we try to imitate people whom we want to be. For when we have a glimpse at ourselves and see them in us we just feel like them- POPULAR, PETTY, COOL etc.... But at times we arrived to a point where we try to forget who we are just to be someone else. I'm not generalizing all adolescent and adults alike out there. But most of us, we passes through the stage where we seek who we are. But of course, just like every stage of our life, it passes. It will outgrow. But if we didn't get over that stage....we will grow old with no memories to look back on for what we had before is not the real "US.".

I said that I am not generalizing everybody here. One or two or even more didn't pass through this stage of wanting to discover who they really are. I say to them "good for you and goodluck in the future." But I bet you, whatever status we achieved right now, once in your lifetime, you wished you were richer, wealthier, better or healthier. For it is in our human nature to always seek and wish more than what we want to be.

I said "want to be" and not "can be." Let's first define the two. "Want to be like," is wishing something that you dream even if you can't become one. End result is becoming the people or person that is not us. You can loose yourself within this process. "Can be like," is an precise status of what we can become. End result is still you but much better.

"Can be like," in mixture with all the efforts that we forced ourselves to give will result in a positive way into our lives. "Want to be like," in mixture with all the efforts may result in either negative or positive. No guaranteed effect. Both can be attainable but the difference lies in what you become after the changes.

When we say that we want to be like Madona (or who ever is in your mind right now), you just end up just like the person whom you want to imitate. Very similar to that person. No difference at all. But when we say we can be like Madonna. It does not necessarily means that we end up just like her. There are, of couse, similarities but there are also differences.

Every person has this innate desire to be different. Who doesn't? For we were born unique even if in cases of identical twins. And there's nothing wrong with that. Provided that being different means keeping yourself intact. Focusing on what you can be like and not what you really want to be like.

It is like in a masquarade party. We want to be like somebody else....we put on make up, masks and clothes that looks faboulous on us. But at the end of it all, when we go to our little rooms, taking off all clothes, masks and make up, we all feel very light. For we are ourselves. No masks. Just you and your skin.

You see it is easier for a man to imitate another and convince the others that you're the same man and not the one you're imitating but what is harder is to imitate another and convince ourselves that we are whom we're imitating.