When I had my second child, a son, I felt more complete than before. I was praying for this or we were all praying for this to happen... to have another child. And on the 11th of April 2007 it was fulfilled. The first two months was a bliss. Everything was smooth sailing. But then it changed. At that time, I was all alone. My husband need to work far from home and he comes home not everyday but from time to time. Like twice a month for just 3-4 days. And that's it. It's a big change for me. Having a son and being all alone. Adding to the fact that I was really stress when my son cries 'cause I can not understand what he wants. Don't think that I don't love him because of that. I love him and will always will.
I always thought that this day will never happen to me because he is my second son. And hey, I'm both a nurse and pre-school teacher. I know how to handle kids and babies. I raised my daughter (not all by myself though) but now she's 6 years old. And I think I did well. So why will it happen to me? And I often assure myself that I can also handle him like the way I handled my daughter. It won't stress me or depress me.
But I forgot that he is different from my daughter. He's a different person not just a shadow of my daughter. Apart from my daughter. With a different life. With different character. He's a unique being of his own.
He's very calm and quiet most of the times. But when he cries, he screams. It's not just crying. He screams at the top of his lungs. I don't know how to handle him, for him to calm down or just stop him from crying. Most of the time when he does that, I'm so helpless and I don't know what to do. Scared about how I feel, I talked to my husband on the phone and no matter what he said. No matter how he assures me, it wasn't really a big help for he's far away. I want someone to be there physically beside me. Who will be there to assure me that everything will be fine and all is normal with my son. I want a shoulder to cry on. And not just on the phone. Luckily, my daughter provided all of that. And she also thought me that I shouldn't expect that the way I handled her will be the same thing with my son. That how I raised her will be the same as raising my son now. And that I need a different approach.
Of course, she didn't say it verbally. But she just showed me how. I noticed that when she comes home from school, my son will be waiting for her. And he'll be very very happy. You can actually see it on his eyes and how he smile. He's expecting her all the time. Hey, I'm sure that he's happy with me too but not as happy when he's with his sister. So I said to myself, "stand back and observe how she does it." And there it was, right in front of my big dark eyes.
She talks with him and she listen.
She will always say, "do want me to sing a song for you." And she'll wait for him to smile or show a single hint of his reply. And then she'll say again, "I'll sing the little piggy song, ok." And she'll wait again. As if there is an invisible words that comes from my son that only her can hear. And then she'll sing and tickles him and they will both laugh. And I was more amazed when she can handle his crying, she'll ask him, "why are you crying?" and adding, "yes, I know you're tired. I'll tell mama." And so at that moment, I ask her, "what does he want?" She told me, "he's tired." And I said, "how did you know?" "Well, mama, he's arching his back." And then I had her secret. And I remember that it was my secret too. Why I am good in handling babies and kids alike. But I have forgotten.
She knows him more because she listen not only to his cooing but also to his movement. I have long forgotten it. That baby's language also includes how their body respond and moves. I was messed up by the way I feel. Alone. And I want someone to listen to me but I forgot to listen to my child's needs. I want someone to depend on to, yet my son also wants to depend on me. How could I missed it? How?
And at that moment, I talked and listen to him. And it really change how I see him and how he sees me. And I read books that will help me understand him more. Although I don't want to label my child, but in one book that I read I understand why he is what he is. He's has the character of a touchy and spirited child. (And my daughter has the character of an angel child so they're not really the same) And it has some suggestions on how to handle children like that. And so I follow them but not all of them though. The most important thing is that I understand his uniqueness now more than ever. Although I still can't understand some of his ways, I know that I am handling him better that before? How did I know? Well, aside from not crying that often and he's very happy with me the same happiness that he is showing when he is with his sister. And we can talk and listen to each other now.
And now, ask me, if it frustrates me if my son is crying so loud? No! I understands what he wants now. Thanks to my daughter.
