Wonderful and Prosperous New Year!

Merry Christmas

Our season's greetings to all you from my family wherever part of the world you are.

Birthday and Hallooween

Three years ago, on the 31th day of October , a little girl was born 20 minutes after midnight. This child was so small, cried a little and sleeps a lot.

When she came what great joy we had, an addition to our growing family although we know that she'll be the last. During my pregnancy I had gestational diabetes and had a heart problem. But we always believe in saving the best for last.

Three years after here she is not so small anymore and cried a lot. Not only cry a lot but screams while crying too. For only three years in her life she went through a lot already. From kept safe in Mama's arms to a "nourrice," that traumatized her before the age of one. I can't forgive myself for that. But little by little she overcomes it with flying colors. And now, aside from crying a lot and screaming when she is frustrated, she's learning to trust again. So let us greet her on her third birthday... Happy birthday to our Ella-la-belle!

By the way, a little note about being born on the day of the Halloween: On the afternoon of the 30th, my other two kids were  preparing for their costumes for the next day because they were expecting to go trick or treating on the next day, but we ended up in hospital instead. After hours and hours of waiting, she decided to come out at 12:20 in the morning so that's already the 31st of October making her a Halloween baby. But due to the DST (Daily Saving Time) here in France, she was noted to be born at 1:20 am by another doctor. So there were two different "actual birth time." So if you're reading the record correctly you'll find it like this: Smhe came out just after midnight and then went in again and then came out again after an hour.

First time to cry ( at school )

School days

School days are here once again. But the big difference is that my youngest daughter will be entering her first year in "maternelle" or pre-school. Mixed emotions for me, of course, I am their mother after all. I am excited for the two older as usual but for her, our youngest a little bit hesitant (and fearful, I already explained it on my other blog). Though it's hard letting them go, I need to. It's for their own good, as well. Happy also (but not overjoyed) for I have time for myself now. Though I really don't like the idea of spending hours and hours alone at home. So I need to find something to do and I need to find it fast before I die of boredom. My eldest is on the second year of high-school now, luckily she changed her class so no more bothersome classmates of her. I hope she finds someone she can trust on her new class. And I hope she keep up her grades and keep it higher. If she really wants to be a diplomat, she should focus (the only thing that she's having a hard time to do). The second and our only boy, will be entering first grade. Ye-hey! I just hope that he works hard (and play a little less than usual). During vacation, he learned about the magic of television. So now it's school day, télé-time is limited and that is not a happy thought for him. I hope he forgets it (TV) as fast as he learned it. And lastly for our little princess (of darkness, as my husband jokingly says all the time), I just hope she'll enjoy it. And please, please, please.... don't make any tantrums at school. I know they can't handle it as well. Well, here goes another chapter of my life (Iciah, Bixy and Ella-la-belle - they are my life).

D' Day

12the birthday

She turned 12 today. My eldest daughter who was once a little girl sitting on my lap is no longer little anymore. The one who was once playing with dolls, pretends to be a princess and sing and dance with all her heart out, haven't been doing these for awhile now. The one who tell stories about the whole day that she spent at school in all details is now responding "it's OK," if I asked if her day at school went well. Everything is changing.

She is growing up and so fast. She's now creating a world of her own. Being able to hide secrets and other stuff. Spending more time listening to music or watching TV. Spending more time in her room and alone.

How time flies so fast, it felt like it slipped through my fingers without even knowing it. And made me wonder, if I was a good mother to her.

I know sometimes all the things I did for her is not enough, but all the things I did, I did it with all my heart just for her.

I know sometimes she gets jealous of her two siblings. Citing sometimes that I spend too much time with them and a little for her. But I hope she realize that the love I have for her will not change even if I will have less and less time for her as her youngest sibling is sickly. In her facebook, I wrote these words so that she'll remember that no one can replace her in our hearts.

"You were born two months in advanced, learned to walk and talk in phrases before your first birthday, learned to memorize the entire book of P.D. Eastman's "Are you my mother" at one and a half, were writing by two and were already reading books in English and French by three. That's how special you are. But even without all of these, you will always be special to your papa's and mama's heart. You were and will always be our first LOVE. Happy 12th birthday!!""

Cool guy

Last Sunday (the 14th of April 2013), we were on our way to Cathedral de Chartres, when we decided to have a little stop over at the Quick (fast food). It was already 3 in the afternoon and we still didn't have our lunch except for chips and drinks that we bought on our way.

Inside Quick, there is a place where kids can play. And as usual kids will be kids. As soon as they saw the play ground (I don't know what it is called), my son and my youngest daughter went in. Unluckily, there is a boy same age or a year older than my son who was also playing at that time. I think he thought that the place was only for him. As soon as my kids reached the second floor/level, that boy kicked my son on his tummy.

Though the kicked didn't threw my son on the floor, his instinct told him that he needs to protect his sister. (It's just what I thought because of his following actions). While I was screaming for them to just go down, my son placed his sister behind him and extended his palm towards the boy. Then he introduced himself to him, saying "Hi! I am Vance." (Of course, in French, he can't speak English and we're in  France so it's just normal).

The boy was taken aback, I think I saw him (the boy) thought about what to do for few seconds and then took my son's hand and shake it. Introducing himself as well. After that incident, the three of them played.

Sometimes as a mother, I am really amazed of discovering how my kids handle situations such as these. For if it happened to me, I would have done the reflex that I have when someone kick me. I will kick him back, big time!

I don't know what is on my son's head at that time. Why didn't he just kicked that boy and be done with it. As I know he can defend himself well. Why he choose a "diplomatic strategy," that do what other boy does. Plus he forgive and forget that he hurt him in the first place. Amazing! I'm not bragging, but simply amazed to discover a part of my kids every time I'm with them.

And I also saw how cool he was in handling the situation, when I was already in a little bit of panic because my thoughts are with my 2 years old daughter tagging along with his 6 years old brother. (And I also felt angry 'cause I saw that someone hurt my kid, which is totally normal for a mom like me)

Now, I really can see him growing old as a responsible person. And I know I will not be worried in protecting my daughters alone, for I know that I could count on him.

He's a cool guy!
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And here's the coolest part.

As we resume our way to the Cathedrale, I asked him why he didn't hurt the kid who kicked him. This is his explanation.

"Imagine, Mama, if I kicked him back, we'll get into a fight and Vanille (the name of his little sister) will be caught in the fight and might get hurt. So I didn't."

He is really a cool guy. And of course, his Papa is happy in saying, "like father like son." Oh! Pleasssseeee!!! Hahaha!

Time for my son

When opportunity presents itself, I always make it to a point that I'll grab it. It is not as often as I want but I guess it's better than nothing.

My son loves it when I go with him or with his class whenever they have their "petit sorti." An outing to the library, park or to the farm. But because I need to take care of his little sister, it is not possible all the time. Though he understands it, I know deep inside him,  he's wishing that I'll be there for him also.

So when opportunity came, I took it. I left my youngest daughter with his uncle and went with my son's class to a farm nearby. And it was one of the happiest day of my life, to see the joy on my son's face.

Birthday boy

Birthdays of my kids were normally spend with us. (Except my first daughter who had a luxury of celebrating her first birthday in a restaurant together with friends and families and some of her following birthdays are also spent with her friends at home or at  the park.) And that is a little bit unfair to our 6 years old son, for he never experienced things as such. So for his 6th birthday, we decided that we will do it. A simple birthday at home but with his friends. He was ecstatic. So here's preview of how we celebrated it.

 

(His birthday cake made by yours truly... ehemm... ehemm)

 

  (Friends and classmates)

 (Birthday song)

 (His gang)

 

(His best-friend)

The show must go on

As you see, my youngest daughter just got out of the hospital. I know that she's the priority after all that she have gone through. But then reality strikes, I still have the other two kids who may not be sick (thank God) yet also needs attention.

As you see, my eldest daughter plays classical guitar. And she'll be playing at the "Concert des guitars." She was also chosen to have a solo performance interpreting one of the music of a famous classical composer, Erik Michelie, "En chantant dans des vieux airs."

So as much as I want to stay with my youngest, I don't want to make my oldest feel that she's not as important as the other. I know my daughter well. She will understand if I asked not to go with her. But the point is that as a Mother, sometimes we need to make difficult decisions as if we need to cut our heart into two or more. But within these decisions, we grow and learn how to be a better person and a better mother as well. So I left my youngest with my husband and went to see my daughter. The show must go on.

(Note that this is just an excerpt for I only have 20 minutes of my battery time. Sorry, fault of just going out of the hospital.)

Miracle happens

This is to show our gratitude to all our families, friends, colleagues, acquaintances, friends of friends and people whom we've never met before. For all those people who took time to pray for our little daughter. In this modern time when not everyone believes in the power of prayer and the meaning of faith in the hearts of this generation is almost lost. We thank you.

(The written caption in this photo)

Last Saturday, the 23rd of March 2013, we thought that we're going to lose a child. It is not only our youngest who suffered, it is the whole family as well. We believe that doctors can help her, but we believed more in the one best thing that can cure her. It is God's healing hand. So we asked for prayers and many responded. Our Catholic family and friends offered one. Christian friends did too. Our Muslim friends prayed to Allah. Buddhist to Buddha. But the most heart warming prayers come from those who do not really believe, yet choose to offer one because our daughter is just as important to them. Friends of different religion and belief becomes one in purpose. My daughter is really fortunate because of this experience. The love flowed from you, enveloped us and help us go through it with faith in our hearts. We are indebted to all of you. Words are not enough to show you how grateful we are, yet we say it a million times anyway, "Thank You."

Praying for miracles

On the 23rd of March 2013, my daughter had a series of convulsions. Doctors says that it is due to fever. But the problem is that when she had her convulsions, she didn't have fever. Until now, I'm still trying to understand what happened to her. And wanted to look for answers, for reassurance that she'll be ok until she grows up. Right now, she's well. She's playing and doing things that she's been doing. But at the back of my head the question still remains, "Will it happen again?"

During those moments, I wrote things in my journal to ease all my emotions. Just to burst out what I was feeling inside on that particular moment when I thought that I was going to lose my daughter.
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MARCH 24, 2013 at  00h38. For my daughter Vanille

Normally, I can take anything without complaining. All the pain, I can deal with that. All problems, I can find solutions for those. All my anger, I can repress that. All my pride, I can swallow that. All of these I can take without saying a word nor tears in my eyes. 

The heart problems I had while you were growing in my womb. The labor pains that I had while having you. Even giving birth without any help from anesthesia nor any form of pain killers. I handled them with flying colors. I did all that.

BUT NOT THIS!

Not seeing you sick and lying in a hospital bed. Not while holding you while you're having a seizure. Not seeing you unconscious after each seizures. Not seeing you doing all those medical procedures with your frail body. Not all of these.

I CANNOT TAKE THIS!

My heart is breaking into shreds every time I see you go through all of these. I cannot take this!

You might see me as a hard shell, but with you suffering and sick, I crumble to pieces. Please, Vanille, not this.
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I prayed. We prayed as a family. I asked my friends and your papa's friends to pray for you. And through this I wanted to remember what I asked God for you.
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Lord, help me. Extend thy loving and healing hands to my daughter. Take any pains that she's feeling, any infections or any cause of her sickness. Lord, once, you've said, "Knock and the door will open unto you. Ask and you shall receive." Kneeling in front of you, Lord, I am knocking and I am asking take the sickness of my child. Heal her. Send thy angels to keep her safe and keep her from harm. For I know that You are not yet finish with her. She has yet to serve her purpose here on earth. Her mission, one day, is to serve you my Lord for your greater glory. I asked this in Jesus name. Amen

First haircut

As a Mom I wanted to always fill my memories with all the "firsts" in my kids life. First smile, first giggle, first step, first tooth, first word and extra long lists of "firsts."

So to remember the exact date of my youngest daughter's first haircut (which by the way was done by me), I want to post it here. It was on the 21st of February 2013, a Thursday.

NB: This is a delayed post. As you all know, all Moms, need to find time to do these things (such as blog writing).

Time

Our kids don't realize why we spend most of the time working. They don't understand the reason why we need to work. They don't comprehend the concept of paying bills, buying food, paying mortgage, giving them a stable life and all that stuff. Those things are not that important to them. There is only one and the most important thing for them. And that is for you to spend your time with them. And everything else doesn't matter.

And that "Time," I also realize is the one thing that lacks in my life. There is so much thing to do with a working wife and mom of three kids. "Spare time," never existed in my world. But I was raised to believe that there is time for everything, but managing time for me is the hardest. I would love to divide it equally to all the aspects of my life, so equally also, at the end of the day, I could say, I have given all of them the thing they considered most important -- my time to be with them.

Today my son's class will go to the library for their story telling day and also a time for them to explore books and their magic. It will only be for one hour. I may have not a lot of time in my hand but that, I would not deny my son. An hour to accompany him and his class.

So I broke the news to him in the morning, before he goes to school. Saying that I would be there at 9 o'clock. I have seen many facial expression of my son. But not so much as the happiness that he have shown me when I told him the news. He was so excited and told me how grateful he is, for he knows that I don't have time to do it as often as I could.

When I arrived at school, all his classmates were already expecting me and I know he announced my arrival before hand. I felt like a "royalty." But all those things that I felt good, were nothing compared to what my son have felt. He felt proud. He felt proud that I have time for him and he felt proud of himself. And I assure you, he even felt proud for me, proud that I can read for his classmates both in English and French. I wouldn't miss a day or even a second of it.

Guitar and her

It was the first time for my daughter to have her "audition" for classical guitar. "Audition," here in France for music is like an examen or a test in front of their parents and professor. So imagine their nervousness. The good thing about this auditions, is that they will not fail if they made mistakes. And it becomes like a little show or program to be watched by all of us. And through this, parents becomes aware of how their kids are also doing at school (music school, aside from their regular school).

Letting go

For the start of this year, my husband and I realized that our kids grow too fast. This year our youngest will be going to school on September and our son will now leave the "maternel" and enter into the "primary school." Our eldest already started high-school last year and soon everybody will be leaving our home (to go to school, that's what I meant. We still have many years ahead of us together, so I will not yet worry for the future ahead.)
 
I still can't imagine how my youngest will handle school life together with other kids.

As you know she has this strong character. As she spend most of the days at home, she didn't have the chance to be with other kids. So she develop this idea that anything she wants, she'll get and that world revolves around her. Well, actually, the latter is all so true for her, even my son's world revolves around her. My son, maybe because of the proximity of their age, is so responsible for his little sister. He has this idea of self-sacrificing for the other one. Even the food that he wants to eat, when his sister wants it, he'll give it. I think it's a good thing for my son but on the other hand, he's depriving himself of things he likes the most just to give it to our youngest. And also on the other hand, my daughter still develops the idea that if she wants it, it will be given to her. My poor son and yes, my poor daughter also, for she's not learning well enough from me. I wish I could do more for them. And I wish that she'll learn  from my son..., well, I wish, I wish.

I'm sure that there will be life changing experiences for her when she enters school. And I know she'll realize that the world doesn't turn around her and it's the other way around. I just hope that she'll learn to socialize at school and will not "snob" the kids out there.

Actually, I'm not afraid that she'll not do well at school, I know she will but there are some hesitations on my part, she'll be 2 and 1/2 when she enters the "maternel," still a baby for a mom like me. But at the end of the day, as I always say, there's only one thing a parent could do for their child --- and that is to let them go and grow on their own.

I came, I saw, I conquered....

2012 came and passed by as all the other years. Trials and victories came with it. All these brought new life experiences that I will surely bring with me as a new leaf begins.


New bucket lists to fill, new blessings to receive, new memories to make, new opportunities to grab, new doors to open, new places to explore, new experiences to discover, new promises to claim, new leaf to write on and a lot of new good things to come.

Let us be grateful for the years that passed and pray that may this year be as fruitful as the years that passed or if not, even more. May the heaven shower us with more blessings for the days to come and may we receive these blessing with arms wide open. May we create new memories that will bring us happiness, love and hope.

May all of  us be blessed!

Have a Great Year ahead to all of us!

Au revoir 2012! Bienvenue 2013!